What it is?

Emotional intelligence is composed of a few pieces. At its core is the ability to understand how I actually feel. Another piece is the ability to observe myself. Yet another piece is perspective—wondering if this feeling is temporary or long-term. There is also self-reflection. A crucial piece is recognizing that this experience happens to many people—that the feeling is totally normal. It involves observing myself in that moment and conceptualizing my mental state.

It allows me to detach a little bit and be an observer of myself. At first, it takes a lot of energy to understand myself, but it is like going to the gym—the more I do it, the less energy it requires.

So, now that I know how I feel, I understand my situation, my perspective, and what led me to this place. And here comes the part where I know myself. Let’s be honest: people, at their core, are not so different. We all have feelings, needs, urges, and an ego that needs boosting. Not everyone is aware of all these aspects.

Once I understood myself, I could understand the people around me by inferring what they did or did not say and considering their situation. By observing all of those details, I could get a glimpse of how they feel.

Okay, now that we have reached the point where I can understand another person, I can offer support by sharing another perspective or, depending on the situation, providing a reality check.

To sum up, emotional intelligence is the ability to put myself in someone else’s shoes, offer support and guidance if necessary, share another perspective, and suggest solutions.

How it affects the workplace

Having close connections is necessary for mental well-being. As I have seen and experienced myself, once you are not understood, your energy and motivation slowly fade away. You have to feel mentally well in order to do good work. For me, nothing makes me feel better than the feeling of being surrounded by people who understand me.

Emotional intelligence helps with communication. Seriously, as I have seen, most conflicts or misunderstandings arise from a lack of simple communication.

Basic examples

  • Example 1:
    Developers are pairing: one wants to end work for the day because he is tired, while the other is result-driven. The result-driven developer has more energy and, in conclusion, overpowers the other’s need.
    • What happened here?
      They delivered on the same day, even though the first developer was depleted. The second one did not take the first’s needs into consideration.
    • What were the consequences in the long run?
      Consider that this did not happen just once—it was a pattern. The first developer ended up with lower motivation (energy, dopamine, you name it).
  • Example 2:
    A fresh teammate pairs with a developer who knows the project well.
    • For me, it is crucial for an experienced developer to allow a fresh team member to do some tasks—even if it takes longer at the beginning—in order to gain confidence, experience, and the energy that comes from wins. Working on a task with someone else is like sharing a meal: you get better portions, you gain energy, you share, and you both benefit. Later on, once the developer who knows the project is fulfilled in his role, he can find fulfillment in supporting others on their journey and celebrating their accomplishments.

Conclusion

In my opinion, emotional intelligence—at some level—is necessary to be part of a team, to drive higher velocity, and to create an environment in which people have the energy and mental drive to work. In the end, I want to work for a manager who understands me.